Apparently, the thing to do when you're of a certain age, is to send out a form letter to friends and family, letting them all know what's up in your life. Here comes mine:
Dear Friends and Family:
I'm fairly certain that you know what's going on in my life, because you were either present with me during these events, or you heard about things from "friends and family" (or by trolling social media), but I'm going to subject people to my life anyway. (You're welcome.)
Let's begin:
I bought a house this year! Unfortunately, I already bought the same house 23 years ago, but between my enabling and someone else's addiction and stupidity, I did it again! Hooray! Debt forever!
I got divorced this year! Don't recommend it. I got fucked. Turns out I should have stayed married and saved a fuck-ton of money. (#JamesAdams - the choice for MEN seeking money.)
My children are amazing! (That's just objectively true.)
I thought I had a boyfriend! I was wrong there - my bad. I have a friend, who is a boy - that part is true. Here's the thing: other people's narcissism is poison.
My job is fulfilling! (Sometimes.)
Also ... I didn't have a child. My children didn't have children. I didn't get a new pet. I gained a bunch of weight. I watched The Office far too many times. I realized how much I love my parents, and how much they sacrificed to raise their children. I was told how to parent my children by people who have no idea how what they're talking about. I learned to ignore haters more effectively. I looked in the mirror (and then promptly felt ill). I did 200 jumping jacks today. I ate brown rice and quinoa for breakfast.
... is that enough personal information? Did I reach out, in a personal way, to every person who might give a flying fuck?
Nah. But the passive-aggressive vibe is out of my head now, so we're good. (Insert heart emoji here)
Happy Holidays!
