Thursday, April 11, 2013

Photos on an Appliance - No Substitute for Life


“We think in generalities, but we live in detail.”  Alfred North Whitehead. 

Everybody thinks; some of us just do it more than others.  One of the things people are encouraged to think about is what they want from life.  According to many psychologists, one of the ways to achieve our goals is to visualize them - imagine ourselves doing the things we want to do or being in the places we want to be. 
I visualize these things every day.  I daydream about the alternate versions of my life and imagine ways I could change the toxic pieces which hamper my happiness.  Many years ago, I started using my refrigerator as Ground Zero for my visualizations.  Whenever I found a picture of Tuscany or California beaches or resorts in Thailand or even just of beautiful flowers, I taped them to my refrigerator.  Inspirational quotes about change and happiness made an appearance too.  Words have power, right?  The right phrase is a motivational tool, yes?

No.

Yesterday, I accidentally ripped one of them, so I took it off.  But as the whole surface of the refrigerator was basically a collage, others causally ripped too.  Then I noticed that not only were the pictures frayed, they were dirty –  and underneath the pictures, the fridge itself was pretty dirty, because (and this part is what killed me) some of those pictures have been taped to my refrigerator for like five years.  No exaggeration.  And I haven’t been to any of those places.  And I am not inspired by those sayings.  They actually kind of make me feel bad about myself, because I can’t do those things. 

So I ripped them all off.   And then I spent an hour or more scrubbing the outside of the refrigerator to clean off the gunk.  I had to take a razor blade to scrape off the tape, because it had been there so long.  It was probably a little manic of me to tear it all off and attack it with a razor, but at what point do we just forget the dreams and succumb to the mundane elements of life?  As it turns out, dreaming about things just makes me sad.  So now my fridge is clean, and I can see the surface for the first time in several years.   I like it better this way.  While it may have had character (I don’t know; it might have just looked tacky), it certainly wasn’t changing my life or anything.  I like the starkness of it now; it’s not pretending to be something it isn’t, which is a lesson I need to learn for myself.

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