BFH in the Middle East

Bloody Fucking Hell.  That's what BFH stands for, in case you were wondering.

I read today about Egypt:  the country which overthrew its dictatorial government in an effort to become more fair and free.  Unfortunately, Egyptians, now you're slaves to the Muslim Brotherhood and their asinine, prohibitive, misogynistic laws governing thought and subsequent behavior.  I do not understand this group of miscreants, honestly.  They are mouth-breathing cavemen with an attitude about thinking that comes straight out of unenlightened ignorance of reality.

Proof?  I'd love to ...
Insulting religion is a crime in Egypt.  The campaign against free thinking people targets (of course) intellectuals reaches the elite members of society to the rural teachers.  People who ... (wait for it) THINK.  Teachers are ground zero for the criminal procedings.  You know who else took such a stance?  Hitler.  Stalin.  Pol Pot.  A bunch of fucking assholes, that's who.

Contempt of religion is HEALTHY.  Anyone with neurons firing in their brain can see, OBJECTIVELY, that religion has done some really bad shit over the centuries.  Saying that out loud (in Egypt, at least) then becomes a jail sentence.  Even though these narrow-minded idiots lack evidence, the courts prosecute people and imprison them, simply out of FEAR of the religious zealots.  How sad.  Once again, if god is a thing, he/she would banish these assholes to the far reaches of hell for being so ungodly and stupid.  Mankind's job is NOT to do god's work.  That's god's job.  Get a job, contribute to your country's economy.  And then shut the fuck up. No one made you THE DECIDER just because you have a beard and an attitude.

When the government uses the vague laws against the people, and is afraid of the religious fanatics roaming the streets (instead of doing something productive to make their country a better place), your country has failed.  Unfortunately, Islam is failing all over the globe, because the people who follow it often use it as an excuse to act like vigilante god-police and exact (childish) vengeance over (perceived and irrational) crimes.

Get it together, people.  You're an embarrassment to humankind.

Suburbia in Effect

I live in Nebraska, arguably not the greatest place in America.  It's subzero in the winter and chokingly humid in the summer.  In between there are spring tornados and clogged gutters of autumn leaves.  Good stuff, right?

But sometimes ... Nebraska is a good place.  I had that epiphany earlier today when I was floating in my above-ground micro-pool, watching the trees sway and the flowers in bloom and the grass shimmering green in the sunlight.  Life exists in the way we look at things, as everyone knows.  I am often prone to looking past the beautiful things and fixating on the shitty bits.  Like there was a moment today when my eyes wandered to my roof - a veritable shit-fest of broken, crumbling, flaking shingles.  It's one of the roofs that even strangers out for a walk might look up and say, "what the hell happened there?"  I'll tell you what happened:  Nebraska weather.  But rather than cussing out my husband under my breath, I just closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of suburbia - distant lawn mower, chirping birds, scampering squirrels.  Seriously, that was all I heard for two hours. 

Here's the deal:  it's pretty inexpensive to live here (compared to the ridiculous cost of living in "cooler" cities), the schools don't suck, there's no real crime to contend with (at least where I live), and everything I could possibly need to live within a five-mile radius of my house.  My kids are fairly well-adjusted, no one I know is in jail, most people I care for are healthy, and I have full use of all my limbs.  You know?  Life could be worse. 

Smoke it

I've written about this before, but I am trying so hard to be a smoker again.  I smoked cigarettes for about 10 years or something.  I started when I was about 15 and it lasted well into my adult life.  And then I quit when my middle child picked up my pack of cigarettes from the shelf by the back door, ate a few, and then puked everywhere.  No shit; I just quit on the spot.  I was struggling to quit, and then I saw him barfing all over my kitchen and came to the realization (not a new one) that I was an asshole.  So I stopped smoking.

Fast forward to 15 years later, and I just want to smoke a cigarette!  I try to do it periodically, and it makes me physically ill.  I hate it.  I hate the taste and the lingering smoke and the "mouth skank," and all that shit.  AND YET ... I still want to be able to enjoy a cigarette now and then.  But (sadly?) I can't.  I am currently holding on to an un-smoked cigarette, just because it feels right in my hand, and the (theoretical) idea of it is lovely.

I assume that I am lucky that I don't like the taste anymore, because otherwise I would die of lung cancer.  BUT ... I think I've made it perfectly clear that I am trying to kill myself via poor life choices, so I don't see why my brain would resist so much to a simple (chemically engorged) cigarette!!  I even bought the ones with the Indian on the front, in an attempt to be "fresh" (or whatever shit they're selling).

I guess I'll have to drink myself to death instead (plus the pharmaceutical factor) - eventually, my heart will just give up, I'm thinking.  Hopefully it will be quick.

(I love how totally fucking morose this blog entry is.  It makes me happier.  Fucked up?  (No one asked you.))

Fucking Fracking

Here we go, New York Times ..

Full page advertisement put out by the U.S. Department of Commerce encouraging the Keystone Pipeline.  Why?  Because (they say) the pipeline will provide 800,000 barrels of oil a day from Canada.  Quote:  "That's 800,000 barrels a day that we won't need to import from countries that don't always share our values."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!

So ... most of the imports currently come from five countries: Canada, Saudi Arabia, Mexico, Venezuela and Nigeria.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Mexico and Venezuela and Nigeria and Saudi Arabia DON'T "share our values".  Mexico:  drug cartels are in control of that particular country, not the government.  Venezuela:  Hugo Chavez, anyone?  Nigeria:  totally corrupt government and death sentences for gay people.  Saudi Arabia:  Most of 9/11 hijackers came from here, and it's not allowed NOT to be Muslim here.  So, America.  Tell me again how these countries share our values?  

This ad is so fucking ridiculous that I'm almost just embarrassed for my country of origin.  Fracking (how will get our oil from Canada) is so incredibly dangerous that methane concentrations are 17x higher in drinking-water wells near fracturing sites than in normal wells.  Totally fine, right?

Hey, America:  pull your head out of your ass and realize that all oil sources are poisonous to the environment, and the only way we will avoid total contamination is to stop fucking driving cars everywhere all the time.  

Or don't.  Because that's the America that I know:  Delusional.  

Mid-life B.S.

It was just suggested to me (via the book I am reading) that "midlife crisis might be a response to life having run out of novelty."  Why, yes, Mr. Smith: I believe you are correct.  That is exactly the condition of my life, though I'm not sure it has much to do with the "mid-life" part - more the "conditions"  of my life.  If I do my job right and really pay attention and stay on my toes, teaching high school never has to be boring.  The rest of the bullshit - the aging, paunchy husband, the children who railroad me, paying bills, being a maid, and so on - sucks.  There is so much "unhappeningness" every day that I want to run out the door screaming.  Unfortunately, I don't know where to run, because there's nothing interesting anywhere near me.  Life has become depressingly predictable, and I'm not sure what the remedy for that is.

Midlife stages a confrontation between one's older and one's younger self, with the former apologizing to the latter and begging for a second chance.  I didn't have the highest of expectations in my youth, but I never would have put my future self in a shitty marriage with ennui eating away at me every day.  So my "remedy" to the nothingness is to paint things and rearrange them and make stupid lists of petty things which will occupy my mind (and my time) enough to (kind of) forget the nostalgia for a life I never really had in the first place.  Every self-help guru on the planet would tell me that my remedy is not only a huge waste of the limited time I have on this earth, but also slightly delusional, in the sense that I am trying to systematically murder time until I can just die and be done with all this petty nonsense.

It is not healthy to sleepwalk through life, and I think I might be doing it every day.  The only hopeful potential in this tale is that this "midlife crisis" is not yet a "tragedy".  I might be able to find a new path or discover myself again.  I don't know though; I spent so many years losing and forgetting myself, that I don't even know who to look for anymore.