Nebraska, The Good Life (?)

I am sitting at my kitchen table having a glass of wine.  It seems like the only rational thing to do, when I can't go outside because the wind would probably blow my fat ass into my neighbor's yard.

My trash was literally EVERYWHERE when I came home from work, so I gathered that.  My basketball hoop is in the middle of the driveway, in pieces.  The door to my shed BLEW OFF the shed and are laying in the yard.  One of my ornamental fences is hanging in pieces off the metal rods.  My lawn furniture is, well, everywhere.  And pieces of maple tree are littering my yard.

So, I figure if I sit in the kitchen and write about it for minute, maybe the huge tree in my backyard will simply split apart in pieces and crush me, so I don't have to deal with cleaning up the mess.

If Chicago is the "Windy City", I don't know what to call this shit storm which is Nebraska.