Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is a holiday for lovers or a reason for cynics to complain, right?  Most people think I’m a cynic, so I could write a blog entry about how over-hyped Valentine’s Day is, because it’s just a commercialized reason to guilt people to spend money on someone they care about.  I mean, if you don’t buy your significant other something on this day, you’re an asshole who doesn’t show love, right?

Well, I’m not in love, and I’m not a cynic.  I am an eternal optimist.  I always expect the best of people.  Every day, I wake up and think people are going to be good.  They are going to be respectful and forthright and kind and responsible.  Every day, I am disappointed by people.  Not everyone is unkind or irresponsible, but the people who matter to me are constantly taking advantage of my optimism and love.  I guess I’m just a crushed idealist on any given day.

Maybe I’m doing life wrong.  Maybe I SHOULD be a cynical bitch all the time; at least then, I wouldn’t be disillusioned all the time. 

I haven’t had a “Valentine” for at least a decade.  I have to be content with being the love of my own life, which is difficult for a person who doesn’t have terribly high self-esteem.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care that I didn’t get flowers or gifts or love today, but it would be nice to have someone, ANYone, who cares enough about me as a human being to love me properly.

Perhaps, I’m not worthy of love.  Perhaps, I am unlovable in a romantic capacity.  Perhaps, my expectations of other people are too high.  Perhaps, I don’t deserve to be loved.  Perhaps, my definition of love is so egregiously incorrect that I wouldn’t even know if I experienced it.

Who knows?  Certainly not me. 

Love is a drug like any other.  Love is also a transaction like any other.  Love is often just a contract to which people are bound by the parameters of the agreement.  Weird to think of love like that, yes?  And yet in any relationship, the two people agree on terms.  When someone violates the terms, love dissipates.  And sometimes, one person is in love and the other one isn’t.  That’s life.  That’s love. 

So happy February 14^th.  Love should be an everyday, spontaneous expression of true feeling, not a corporately sponsored day of the year.  Love yourself, because if you don’t, you can’t love anyone else properly.