Life is a Four, on a Scale of Ten

It's been a while.  I'm not writing.  I'm not doing anything, really, which expands my life expectancy.  I drink too much.  I smoke too much.  I think too much.

Ironically, I think that last one is the one which will prematurely kill me.

I can's stop thinking about everything and everyone.  Here is a list of my (current) top intrusive thoughts:

• I am ready for the next stage of my life.  Unfortunately, due to the current state of the government and the world, I am unable to quit my job to move on.
• Parenting.  (I'm not sure I need to say anything else.  If you have kids, you understand.  If you are a kid, you understand differently.)
• P.S. I'm not sure I'm doing a good job at raising people.  We all think too much and want more than we can afford. 
• Pussy.  I said it.  There's a cat in my house now.  I would never have done that myself, but Humphrey's presence in my house has kept me marginally sane in the past few weeks.  He knows nothing but food, love, play, and sleep.  I love him, unconditionally - something I wish the people in my life would do for me. 
• Nebraska.  Fucking stupid weather.  I hate being hot.  I used to love gardening, but now I just sweat and curse most of the time, because no one will help me do anything outside, nor do they care (on any level) about the area surrounding our home.
• Oh, and maybe they could pick up their fucking shit?  (Just a thought...)
• Love.  What a bitch.  I think I know what I deserve as a human being - at least I know what I want from a life partner, and yet I have never had a partner who cares enough about me to surround me with love and companionship.  Everything seems to be conditional to everyone.  I don't know if part of that is my fault, or if I simply cannot find another person who is willing to give up part of themselves to be part of me (something I do for literally everyone I love).  
• Food.  I eat like an asshole, therefore my body treats me like the asshole I am.
• Marriage.  Fuck it.  What a racket.  I'm not sure what's worse:  marriage or college.  It's all about commitment and money.  Marriage ended up not being about love; and paying for my children to go to college ended up being just a very expensive financial experiment. 
• Death.  Yep.  We're all going there.  Why fight it?

My list is not meant to be depressing or attention-whoring.  I only mean to point out the things in life which make me a little bit crazy, and about which I cannot stop thinking.  I didn't even include the news, because I stopped watching it.  I only READ the news now, because the talking idiots on the tv screen don't get to take up space in my head.  DJ Trump can do his best at destroying America, but I think Americans are doing a fine job of destroying the American Dream all by themselves.  We didn't need a reality tv person as president, but we have one, and now the rest of the world knows what I already knew, which is that people don't really care about anything except themselves.  

I shall make a cocktail and go pick weeds, because that's the only thing over which I have any control.  And even then, the weeds take over.  That's life:  a series of recursive tasks which get me nowhere, in a place where I will never be a star.  I will only be an empty satellite orbiting in space, wondering where all the other satellites are and why I can't communicate with them on a transcendental level.