Unfortunately, I believe Lord Byron was right, when he said that absence is the common cure for love. So many cliches exist about love that it's impossible to believe them all, but sometimes, the cliche becomes part of a common belief system because it's so true, so often.
Love should be breath-taking, but love also needs room to breathe sometimes. I entered into a long-distance version of love a couple of years ago, and now the only thing that I know for sure is that even though I love him, and he will always be important in my life, I will never have what I want in that relationship because of absence. He isn't moving, and I can't move.
For me, love should not be jammed into a couple of days here and there. Maybe I'm selfish (probably), but I need to have a partner in my life. Or to be alone. Having someone only when it's convenient for them, going to bed alone every night, not having someone to decompress with at the end of a day, wondering if the constant stress of maintaining a relationship is worth the emotional and physical side effects, living completely separate lives ... isn't healthy. The anticipation used to be thrilling; now it just makes me sad and lonely.
I'm not here to whine though. I'm just in another moment of another day when I want what I don't have. My job is a drain, my love life is bare, and my body feels like it's shutting down for good. I have to find a way to find more small moments of happiness, or I may just never recover from this disappointing chapter of my life.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. Fake a smile until it (hopefully) becomes genuine happiness.
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