ineffective behavior

I think I'm too tired to be good at anything anymore. 

I believe the idiom is, "stretched too thin", although I am not thin, by any means.

I am losing efficacy as a teacher, because I'm becoming intolerant of the incessant whining of entitled students, parents, teachers and administrators. 

I am half-failing as a parent, because I'm so busy assisting other people's children at my job, that I have very little left at the end of any given day to assist my own children through the struggles of life and school and academia.

I don't really have a "life partner" right now, because I am too tired of the vapid bullshit which insidiously creeps into any relationship based on all the other people who have infiltrated both my personal life and the lives of those people with whom I try to engage on an intimate level. 

I have some time to myself, but in that time, I find myself doing senseless, redundant chores which eliminate any opportunity for creativity.  I simply don't have the time for the words or the music or the inspiration, because I'm constantly trying to stay stay one step ahead of the hundreds of teenagers who do not want to engage with their own learning, so I have to perform circus acts every day, just to keep them (marginally) interested in anything I'm trying to say.

To make a strange connection, I'd like to "unfriend" or "block" my current lifestyle in favor of one more conducive to personal happiness, and yet the hole which I've dug professionally (thus economically) inhibits my ability to choose happiness and creativity over a paycheck.  I have to pay the bills for everyone, so I have to have a job which I have outgrown.

Go America. 


(As a side note, I just told my youngest child what I'm writing about, and she said, "you're my own Serena Williams", which I take as the ultimate compliment from a 17-year-old.)