I was told the other day - by a man who wants to drive recklessly and then pull the key out of the ignition - a man who wants to bury the speedometer and then pull the parking brake - to be patient.
COVID can't be blamed on everything, but try "dating" someone who lives nowhere near you during a pandemic. It's time to give up gracefully and move on. Maybe COVID is the "reason" I needed to shed some excess baggage.
I haven't been going to work for four months. I am both spoiled and bored. I am honestly astonished at the "plans" school districts are pulling out of their asses to start back school in August. The CDC is quite clear that cases will increase in number. They already have, since society got all weird and decided they all needed to go to the bars and eat out.
The better example with schools is to look at these college football programs that insisted on starting practice, and they all started blossoming COVID cases. Kansas State had to just stop, because it was spreading so fast. What the hell do public schools think is going to happen when we start letting kids back into classrooms? A fucking nightmare, both logistically and health-wise. Maybe it's time to rethink the entire education system, and improve it fundamentally so kids don't end up hating school by the 12th grade. (But that makes too much sense, apparently.)
So time is messy now. I don't know the day or time. I don't care. I get all used to life lived this other way. being a hermit.
And then - yesterday - my 21-year-old friend dies, tragically, and in front of one of my other friends. His death breaks my heart, and the loss reminds me that we do need each other. His parents are strong, social butterflies, so they will be okay eventually, but I wouldn't wish that kind of tragedy on anyone. Ever.
I will try to be better. I will try to create more things of value rather than bingeing netflix and putting together puzzles. I will remember that a pandemic is happening, and I will not let the decisions of others compromise who I am. Guilt isn't going to work on me anymore.
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