California It Is

While California is arguably full of assholes, rich assholes, surgically enhanced assholes, and liberal hippie assholes, it's definitely one of the greatest places I've ever been.

   The beaches are beautiful,  the sunsets are magical, most of the people are pretty, and the air is amazing.
I realize that most people don't think of L.A. as the greatest place in United States, and I should clarify that I'm talking specifically about the beach cities like Manhattan and Hermosa and Coronado and Monterey.
Venturing too far inland in any California city might ruin the magic.   City sprawl (in the form of chain stores) happens there just like everywhere else.  But how many other places offer Wee Man's Taco's ( I would NEVER eat there) or pot on demand in Venice or hookers on demand in Hollywood?  Not many.  Certainly not my little Christian suburb. My little bible thumping burb would most likely be horrified at the liberals praising Jesus on the beach with guitars on Sunday mornings.  (Even I, as a non-religious social liberal, was a little startled by that last one.)

 But there is just something about a tofu and tabbouleh omelet served outside with the ocean air in my face that makes me a little happier.  And don't even get me started on the farmer's markets.  Good god - strawberries the size of a child's fist.  You won't find that at Target in Nebraska, that's for sure.

Healthiness is another thing.  The people who bike and jog in Nebraska look like they're going to die of heat exhaustion.  In California, no matter how hard they're working, it looks like they're out for a leisurely stroll.

Oh, and they're smiling.  Fuckers.

There something a little bit unfair about being able to run barefoot along the ocean in 65° weather compared to sweating your ass off in a heat index of 107.  No wonder people in the Midwest are fat.  It's either too hot or too cold to go outside.  We have to work around the four good months that we have to do all the things we need to do outdoors.

Oh and the other day, we watched the Hermosa beach volleyball open tournament.  Top prize? $100,000 between two people.  The four guys in the final were pretty damn good, I assume because all four of them went through college on a beach volleyball scholarship.   Yes, I said it: beach volleyball scholarship.  One team both graduated from Pepperdine-on the beach in Malibu.  The other team had one guy from San Diego State University (huge party school) and one from USC (ditto).  Sounds like a pretty good way to get a four-your education: play on the beach a lot in your bathing suit.

I'm just jealous.  After all someone has to live the good life right?  Play all day. Drink all night. Repeat.
I suppose if I had to appear in public in a bathing suit on a regular basis I too would exercise every day breathing and fresh ocean air as often as possible.  It's a lifestyle choice.   Turns out I was confused on the questionnaire, and I chose the wrong lifestyle.

I don't want to be rich and famous. I don't want to live in Calabasas with the Kardashian's. I would probably backhand one of them.  But I was particularly jealous of this bleached out dude who was selling soda from a shack on the beach. He was just kicking it in a lawn chair reading the paper, getting up to give people a drink every once in a while.  I'm sure he didn't make very much money, but he had the Pacific Ocean in his face all day.  Not a bad view.

Even the homeless people were pretty cool. Chill and laid back, not like the very aggressive panhandlers on the East Coast.

I met this guy from Hawaii last time I was in California, and he complained the whole time about how cold it was in Los Angeles.  Really? Shut the fuck up.  Go back to the Rainbow State and choke on a barrel wave.

I'm just saying that place you choose to live says a lot about you.  Again, it's a lifestyle you choose. So choose carefully when you still have options. Even if I had to drive in some of the worst traffic I've ever seen in my life, it would be worth it to get off that PCH offramp and deep breathe that beautiful ocean air every day.