Many of my students were kind enough to give me thank-you
notes at the end of our time together this year. The common theme was that I initially scared
the shit out of them. Next came the part
where they thanked me for allowing them to be who they are without judgment and
for making them think.
That’s it. That’s all
I ever wanted to do. I could probably go
without the “scaring the shit” out of people, but being who you are and
thinking are not bad things, no matter how many times society tells individuals
to conform.
I went to the store the other days to buy garden supplies,
and the guy ringing up my stuff was a former student. I said hi; he said hi. I asked if he remembered me. His face drained of color, and he said “of
course I remember you. You were the
first adult who made me feel like a human being. I’m going to be an English teacher, because I
want to do for other people what you did for me.”
I said thank you, but I was totally at a loss for
words. (which is very unlike me…) How did other people manage NOT make him feel
like a human being?!
Strange days, when people treat other people like
objects. Very Kafka-esque. And very shitty.
I think I am a very nontraditional teacher, but I guess
sometimes I don’t realize just how different I am from the other teachers. I like these people I teach. Even the ones who make me want to kick their
ass or punch them in the throat are worth my time. Is that not something all teachers have in
common? Maybe we just deal with people
in different ways – I’ll probably never know.
But I think if teaching is your
chosen profession, you better care about your charges, or else get the hell out
of there.
I was pretty fragile as a teenager, and I took that
existential angst and made a fucking mess of my life for a while because of
it. If I help even one kid avoid that pain
(or at least alleviate it), I’m happy. Not
everybody likes what I do or how I do it, and I suppose it really doesn’t
matter what they think. I am who I am,
for better and worse.
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