On Being a Parent

                                                                                                                               

Bringing a child into the world isn’t the right decision for everyone, but there are things I experience with my kids that I don’t get with literally anyone else on earth.  My old family, my parents and siblings, are pretty cool, and I definitely share things with them, but my relationship with my kids is … different. 

Here is a (probably weird) list of things my kids and I have in common that are … rare. 

·         Poop.  They talk about poop all the time.  And here’s the thing:  people shit.  Everyone does, but no one talks about it.  My kids tell me truly unnecessary details about their bowel movements.  Why?  Because they can.  I mean, if everyone poops, then why isn’t it something that people chat about in everyday conversations?  Ooh, awkward, and all that.  But if you feel comfortable enough with your parents to talk about your relationship with the toilet, well, that’s intimacy.

·         Speaking of bodily functions, I’ve been thrown up on my all my children.  I’m not saying that’s preferable or anything, but if some stranger in a bar puked on me, I’d probably kick their ass (or hate them forever, because they were the person who puked on me in public).   Just like people poop, people throw up; and if you can still love them unconditionally after they throw up on you, the bond is strong.

·         Emotions are another super-personal thing.  You don’t want everyone knowing how you feel all the time.  But when you live in such close proximity with people, especially people who don’t know what the hell is happening to their bodies (hormonally-speaking), there’s a personal tie.  I would tell my kids pretty much anything.  Is that good?  Many parents would say no – keep the truth away from the children – but I believe in sharing.  I want to know who these people are that I brought into the world.  And for better or worse, they’re going to know who I am too.

·         Another huge bonus is snuggling.  You can’t really snuggle with your friends.  I mean, I suppose you COULD, but it might be weird.  I spoon with my 13-year-old every day.  I can feel her heartbeat.  It’s probably one of the greatest ways to spend any given moment of your life, spooning.  Go do it with someone you love, right now. 

·         Teaching a person how to drive is another way to really see a person’s personality in action.  I will never forget my dad teaching me how to drive on my manual transmission Mustang.  I was fucking freaking out.  I thought he hated me because I couldn’t get it together, but (of course) he didn’t.  Is it terrifying to be in the passenger seat of a huge death-machine with a driver who doesn’t know what the hell is going on?  YES.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

·         Showing people how to think is pretty cool too.  As a teacher, I try to do this at work, but (more importantly) I want my kids to THINK.  Critical thinking is dangerously absent in society today, so I feel like I’ve done my job when my kids point out things that most adults would ignore. 

o   Side Note:  Playing Cards Against Humanity is a key indicator for intelligence.  People might say it’s irresponsible or inappropriate to play this particular game with my children, but stupid people can’t play it well.  My kids are twisted in all the good ways.

·         In general, it’s also very cool to watch THAT KID become THIS TOTALLY DIFFERENT KID in photos.  The change is sometimes disconcerting, but it’s also beautiful to watch a person grow up, frame-by-frame. 

Bottom line:  I would not be the same person I am today (for better or worse) without my children.  They break my heart periodically, but they make me laugh every day and they make me find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.  Unconditional love is a beautiful thing.