Laziness, and Whatnot

So... I was just informed that I haven't posted on my blog for four months.  I would go back to check the veracity of that claim, but I'm too lazy to navigate away from this page and find out if it's true.

Here's the deal:  I have given up, existentially.  If existentialism is the ideology that everyone should make choices and then accept the consequences of his or her choices, then ... I suck.  I  made a bunch of choices, but me "accepting the consequences" of those choices has become bingeing on netflix and drinking mimosas at noon.

I simply don't care about anything any more, EXCEPT the fate of my children.  And as it turns out, my children don't want a lot to do with me anymore.  Probably because I'm boring, and I'm bingeing on netflix.

My whole mantra of "I want what I want when I want it!" has become "I just don't want to care about anything anymore".  Pretty healthy, huh?

I am forever asking myself, "what do I want?"  And the answer, unfortunately, has become "I don't have any idea."  I just want to be left alone, and yet, I want to be with like-minded people.  As it turns out, it's very difficult to find like-minded people, when all the people I hang out with are 20 years younger than me.  (A job hazard, I suppose.)

I've gained about 20 pounds in the last six months, because I don't give a shit about anything, and I don't have the desire to get on the $1000 elliptical I bought a couple months ago (it doesn't help that I broke my foot two days after I bought the stupid thing.).  I care about everything (too much), and I also care about nothing (as a coping mechanism).

What's a girl to do?

A person who is 20 years younger than me (and probably 20 years wiser than me) just told me that I need to get my shit together and write.  So I'm going to make a valiant effort to do just that.  I'm going to try to pull myself out of this social black hole that I've created for myself and make an effort to write every day, work out every day, and get my lazy ass out of the house to interact with other adults.  (that sounds so cliche that I want to punch myself for even writing it...)

It may work, or not.  But I'm tired of feeling like an asshole, so ... here we go.