Sometimes I want all the m&ms to be the right color and for the lights not to flicker and to have no fear and to watch the audience perform for me.
Just for a day. Just for a little while. To see from a different perspective. To get out of my own brain. To get fired up about something that enacts change or benefits me on an elevated plane.
I don't know who and what I'm loyal to anymore. I have like four things in my head right now. And at least one of them is compromised, at any given time. I forgot how to be loyal to myself.
It's raining. All weekend. Two nights ago, half of my vision was clear starry skies, then a line, then lightning like I haven't seen here in years.
That meteorological line is my life right now.
Look right. Consider left.
Be humble. Sit down.
Or be brave. And stand up.
Sunday, September 29, 2019
Sunday, September 15, 2019
Thoughts About Thoughts
Margaret Atwood The Testaments so far incredibly good. I was afraid it was going to be disappointing, and then Margaret starting talking, and I shut and sat down and listened. Can't wait to see where this story goes.
Also, teaching high school ought to be hazard-pay and social-services pay. I think I make more of an impact as a "social worker" than I do imparting "English" on students in an "English" class. (Most high school seniors do not care.)
Next, personal relationships are nebulous, which is a new concept to me. I always understood interaction in terms of my friends (like, in high school), but I never understood how accurately that reflects and defines the hazy, vague, and/or ill-fined "dating" relationships I have always found myself in. I seem to want to define things in a certain way, and then I end up fucking things up, or being disappointed.
In addition, (yes, I am purposefully using terrible transitions, because those are what I see when I read high school writing), gardening is mis-labeled. It should simply be called "manual labor." Especially when it's 90 degrees outside. I painted my shed yesterday, and was in a Joba Chamberlain-style cloud of gnats, which made me want to die. (Don't know Joba? - google"Joba Chamberlain pitcher gnats" and watch a Zen master).
Also, why do I have so many plants??
Additionally, I am watching my neighbor's cats, which is fine, but god-damn does having a pet impede a person's ability to do what they want, when they want, without finding a babysitter. So many specific steps to follow, just to appease animals. And I'm 99% certain I'm being recorded in that house, so ... yeah.
P.S. That's it. Just checking in.
Also, teaching high school ought to be hazard-pay and social-services pay. I think I make more of an impact as a "social worker" than I do imparting "English" on students in an "English" class. (Most high school seniors do not care.)
Next, personal relationships are nebulous, which is a new concept to me. I always understood interaction in terms of my friends (like, in high school), but I never understood how accurately that reflects and defines the hazy, vague, and/or ill-fined "dating" relationships I have always found myself in. I seem to want to define things in a certain way, and then I end up fucking things up, or being disappointed.
In addition, (yes, I am purposefully using terrible transitions, because those are what I see when I read high school writing), gardening is mis-labeled. It should simply be called "manual labor." Especially when it's 90 degrees outside. I painted my shed yesterday, and was in a Joba Chamberlain-style cloud of gnats, which made me want to die. (Don't know Joba? - google"Joba Chamberlain pitcher gnats" and watch a Zen master).
Also, why do I have so many plants??
Additionally, I am watching my neighbor's cats, which is fine, but god-damn does having a pet impede a person's ability to do what they want, when they want, without finding a babysitter. So many specific steps to follow, just to appease animals. And I'm 99% certain I'm being recorded in that house, so ... yeah.
P.S. That's it. Just checking in.
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