On Getting Old

When I was young:

• ·         People could smoke on airplanes.  Then the airlines decided that not everyone loves the carcinogens in their bodies, so they made a smoking and nonsmoking section (how fucking stupid is that … ON A PLANE?).

o   Also, airports were pretty cool places once upon a time.  There weren’t strip searches and metal detectors and Islamic terrorists.  The worst it got back then was getting seated next to someone who took full advantage of the free liquor in first class and drank for five straight hours.

o   Oh, and you used to be able to actually extend your legs in a plane.  And reclining your seat didn’t mean hip dysplasia for the person behind you.

• ·         Smoking was pretty cool.  I don’t remember if there were warning labels on cigarettes when I first started smoking, but you weren’t scorned from society like people are now.  I think the last time I bought cigarettes, I was pissed that the cost was nearing $3 a pack.  What it is now with all the sin taxes?  $15 or something?  Thank god I quit when I did, huh?
• ·         Since my dad worked for United Airlines, we flew to Hawai’i several times.  We had to dress up to get on the plane.  We couldn’t sit in first class if we didn’t have stockings on (the girls, that is).  Rule #1 for flying was dress nicely.  Obviously, people don’t subscribe to that any more:  flip flops and sweatpants.  It’s like a bus now.
• ·         Underage drinkers could sneak into bars/buy beer at gas stations.  It was just easier then.  The girl with the biggest boobs would go try to buy the liquor (it was NEVER a boy who tried).  I would say I had about an 85% success rate back in the day.  Not too shabby. 
• ·         Seat belts were not required.  A lot of cars back then didn’t even HAVE seat belts built into them.  My head went through a front shield window when I was about 12, but you didn’t hear me lobbying congress for better safety! 
• ·         I grew up with only three channels of television.  Just stop for a moment and try to remember when people actually did things and had thoughts that weren’t implanted by the media!  I remember being quite excited when a 4^th channel was added (though I can’t remember what it was). 

o   AND!  I actually remember the day MTV went on air.  Video Killed the Radio Star – terrible song, but the sentiment was there.  That’s fucking old.  Young people today don’t even realize that the M in MTV is for music, because all that’s on that channel is “reality” TV.

o   Oh, and back in my youth, “reality TV” was called the news. 

• ·         I used to listen to the radio.  And because my mom didn’t buy shit like music (she was ridiculously cheap, plus music was a luxury item), I would sit by the stereo speakers with my hand-held recorder and record the songs I liked from the radio.  (Jesus, I sound like a fucking fossil.)  But it was worth the distorted tape recording (yes, I said “tape”), because I had caught that song the moment it was on.  (Something which seems really stupid now when I think about it, but whatever.)
• ·         We had a record player in our living room – if I’m being honest, I was actually a piece of furniture, like a cabinet with a phonograph in it (Jesus Christ, and my parents were so old that they had 78 rpm albums!  I bet you don’t even know what that is!  Wait, I can up that times two.  We had an eight track player in our basement, and my first car has a cassette player in it.  Hell yeah!  Talk about the speed of light!
• ·         In my bedroom, was a bed.  And my clothes.  Seriously, that’s it.  I didn’t have any other shit in there.  No toys, games, televisions, video games, not even books.  It was a bed.  And when I was really little (before my sister moved out & we had to share a room), I used to grind my teeth like no other (apparently), which led to a direct correlation of my sister wanting to kill me with her bare hands. 
• ·         We had block parties.  I don’ t know how else to explain it but to say that we put cars and/or huge picnic tables at both ends of our block so no traffic could get through, and we barbequed and ran around like wolves all night.

o   Speaking of which, all the young-ish people in the ‘hood would play kick the can or flashlight tag or some such other excuse for running around like hellions long after the street lights went out.  I would often leave the house when I got up and come back periodically for food, but otherwise roam un-chaperoned around my neighborhood all day.  My parents didn’t know where I was.  They didn’t care!  As long as I wasn’t underfoot, I could go play in the huge drainage ditch at the park (which I often did).  People were a lot less uptight then (and don’t try to tell me the world was a less dangerous place then, because it wasn’t – ask an altar boy). 

• ·         I had a paper route (okay, yes, it only lasted a few months), but my mom was like the paper lady in our neighborhood, and tons of kids had paper routes.  They got off school and walked around with the paper.  They got up at 5am on the weekends to deliver people’s papers to them.  And they didn’t (usually) bitch about it.  If you wanted money, you earned it, or you didn’t get shit. 
• ·         When I had to “look things up”, I used the red, leather encyclopedia set in my basement.  Think about that for a second. 

I’m starting to sound like an 80-year-old curmudgeon, which was not my point.  I was just thinking about all the ways in which the world has changed over the past 40 years, and it’s not unsubstantial.  The fact that my first car was a 1968 Mustang fastback with pictures of horses on the interior seats (which I promptly wrecked) crossed my mind earlier today when I was wondering how important gas mileage is when buying a car. 

Oh, memories.