- · Gender Expectations: Why is it that society is so much more accepting of older, average-looking men than older, average looking women? Look at the movies as the only example you need. Lumpy dude hooks up with the hot girl – it’s NEVER the other way around. Why can the guy be balding and paunchy, but the girl has to be tight and hot? Such a bullshit double-standard.
o
Plus it’s bullshit when people stop trying to
look good after a certain point in life.
They just give up and start wearing sweatpants and try to ignore the
fact that they can’t see their lower body any more. Brush your hair! Floss! Wax your chest! Shave your back hair! Treat your wife as well as you treat that slutty
girl you work with! Pretend like you
care about the way you present yourself to the world!
- · Reality TV: It’s not real, people. (And as a sub-point…)
o
Television, which is making my children stupid,
vapid, shadows of who they could be. Hobbies
are being replaced by cable TV and internet videos. At least make your own fucking video to post
online (preferably not one of you doing something stupid and/or illegal). Sing a song, WRITE a song, play an
instrument, do something that makes you a better version of yourself.
o
P.S. Being on television doesn’t make you an
expert on ANYTHING. So shut the fuck
up. (Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, Tyra
Banks, et cetera)
- · Most American’s ideology that all of the problems they face on a daily basis are not their fault. Most Americans are so deluded that they believe all the bullshit shoved down their throats by the media (and themselves). “I” can’t be fat, because there’s somebody fatter than me over there. “I” don’t eat food that’s bad for me, because the commercial for this snack says it’s healthy! “I” am not addicted to these prescription drugs, because my doctor told me I should take them (which certainly has nothing to do with the pharmaceutical companies lining their pockets).
- · Dysfunctional Families: ALL families are dysfunctional to some extent. Nobody goes home to a perfectly functional environment. Any time you put a bunch of people in a house with each other, there is going to be friction, fighting, and anger. (Leading into…)
o
Marriage:
what a loaded pile of shit. One
of the few socially acceptable relationships wherein people don’t have sex,
argue incessantly about inane bullshit like dinner or furniture, and generally
harbor a bottomless well of resentment and anger pieced together brick by murderous
brick over years and years of both real and imagined slights and emotional
warfare. (Thank you, Denis Leary.)
- · Blind Allegiance to Sports Teams: It’s a fucking game – get over it. And the Olympics? Yes, it’s fun to watch, but I could give a shit less who wins. I generally pull for the underdog or whoever is hotter.
- · Mexicans: Actually, it’s not the Mexicans that piss me off, it’s the Americans who act like America would be the same without Mexicans. “Let’s build a wall,” the assholes scream. Who would build the wall? Mexicans. Because (generally, and not be stereotypical) immigrants work harder than lazy, fat Americans who sue McDonald’s for making them fat. (“Fatter”, sorry.)
- · Liars. How hard is to tell the truth, really? For some people, apparently, honesty is something they are incapable of. They can look you straight in the eye and lie about something as heinous as cheating or as insubstantial as leaving dirty dishes in the sink. When you ask those bastards who left the partially eaten ham sandwich on the living room table, they will look you in the face and say they don’t know (even though you watched them set that sandwich there the day before).
- · People Who Can’t/Won’t Control Their Children: Recently I was on an airplane. If you’ve even been on a plane, you already know where this story is headed. The row behind me consisted of a lady and her three children, perhaps about ages 4 to 10 or so. Those little bitches were SO annoying. Three and a half hours of whining, bitching, and/or screaming about every leg of the flight. On descent into Omaha (my headache was in full bloom by this point), the little one keeps whining, “ow!” Owie!” (Am I even spelling that right?) Because her ears were popping. For 10 fucking minutes this little brat cries, while her mother says, “maybe you should suck your thumb.” “Maybe you should chew some gum.” Just shove the gum in her mouth and shut her up! It would have taken about five seconds to work and she would have been quiet. Instead, the mom tells the stewardess at the end of the flight how cute her little girl is and what a great little flier she is. The carry-on dog under the seat beside me didn’t make a peep the whole flight and he wasn’t even drugged.
o
Subpoint:
children in grocery stores. Shut
your kid up. No one cares if little
Johnny wants a chocolate bar. Either buy
it or don’t, but stop arguing with him and both of you shut up. Oh, and the reason your child is so fat is
that every single thing in your shopping cart is processed. Maybe that’s affecting his attitude.
Just a few things … I’m sure there will be more to
follow.
Once again, to denounce rumors that I am angsty and angry, I
LOVE RAINBOW AND BABY SEALS!! J
No comments:
Post a Comment