1. Rather than try to lose 10 pounds
(which, let’s face it, will probably not happen) I will try to lose 10 wrinkles.
2. Share my innermost thoughts with
as many people as possible, including total strangers.
3. Have a mad, passionate affair with
the guy from the current Calvin Klein underwear ad.
4. Think less and act more. Or just think less. Or just have a transfrontal lobotomy.
5. Learn to speak Italian. Or French.
Or Spanish. (I’m really
conflicted about learning a foreign language, but I do want to have illicit
affairs with hot foreigners, so I have to start somewhere.)
a. Amendment to #5: Maybe it’s better if we don’t speak the same
language, so I can just listen to the hot accent and not care what he’s saying.
6. Do yoga rather than just thinking
about doing yoga.
7. Watch every documentary available
on Netflix.
a. Make my own documentary about
something totally irrelevant, like Pringles
8. Live up to the example provided by
my role model, Hunter S. Thompson.
9. Get a PhD. (Like buy
one, not actually do all the work.)
10. Move. (Seriously, I have got to get the fuck out of here.)
11. Write the great American
novel. (Or just finish anything I start,
including my laundry.)
12. Stop more often to smell the
roses. (And since my rose bushes are
dead, I pledge to dig up other people’s smelly roses and bring them home.)
13. Become the new John Hughes.
14. Look as hot in a bikini as Phoebe Cates
did in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. (as
if)
15. Travel to a foreign country
(preferably not as human chattel).
16. Let go, and let God. (Just kidding, I’m going to let Allah in this
time.)
17. Make more big, empty promises.
No comments:
Post a Comment