Honesty

“Good things only happen to you if you’re good.  Good?  Honest is more what I mean.  Not law-type honest – I’d rob a grave, I’d steal two-bits off a dead man’s eyes if I thought it would contribute to the day’s enjoyment – but unto-thyself-type honest.  Be anything but a coward, a pretender, an emotional crook, a whore:  I’d rather have cancer than a dishonest heart.”  -Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s

I keep talking about it, and I keep encouraging other people to do it, but I have to follow through on my own social experiment:  being totally, brutally honest all day long. 

In theory, my idea is brilliant, as it does a number of things: 

1) Honesty eliminates the need to remember lies.  I used to be a prolific and extraordinarily gifted liar.  My one fatal flaw was that I often forgot the details of the original lie, thus requiring much spontaneous spewing of bullshit.  The only way to get better at lying is to practice, so more lying ensues … you get the vicious circle here. 

2) Honesty also allows you to say whatever you want, whenever you want.  Let’s say you’re walking down the hallway at work or school, and someone walks by and says, “Hey, how’s it going?”  Your first thought might be to just say something meaningless like, “Good, how are you?”  This answer sucks, because it’s probably not true, and the person asking the question really doesn’t care how your day is going.  Maybe you’re having a really shitty day for whatever reason.  You should definitely let that person know, because they will probably avoid you for the rest of the day – a good thing because they won’t ask you to do anything for them.  OR, maybe your husband/wife/mom/dad says to you, “What did you do at work/school today?”  90% of the time, the person asking doesn’t really want to know all the sordid details of your day.  Honesty would compel you to tell them:  “Well, I listen to my teachers drone on about stupid shit all day, I fell asleep in math, I felt gassy after lunch, my boyfriend was flirting with some skank in P.E., I got my period, and generally wasted seven hours of my life.  What did you do?”  Next time, just tell them the truth, and you will most certainly avoid future stupid conversations with that person, because they won’t ask any more stupid questions.

3)  Foreign relations would be cake.  The president could say it like it is:  “Hey Karzai, we’ve noticed that Afghanistan is really messed up, you’re kind of a dick, your government is corrupt, that scarf around your head makes you look like an idiot, and we don’t trust you.  You can’t have any more money, because you’re probably spending it on Western hookers rather than feeding your citizens, so go fuck yourself.  The United States has recently become isolationist again, and we like it.”  Problem solved.

4) Male/female relationships could finally be truthful.  No more trying to make the other person feel better or telling little lies about what you did or didn’t do to avoid confrontation.  Say it all – say everything you’re thinking.  If the person really likes you, they’ll appreciate knowing what’s on your mind (and vice versa).  If not, well, there’s roughly six billion people in the world.  Someone out there gets you.

5)  Parenting would change tremendously.  Think about all the lies parents tell their children:  Santa Claus, Easter bunny, stork, (insert religious myths here).  With the honesty policy, you just treat your children like little adults, as there is no use telling them stories that you’ll later have to retract when they’re “mature” enough to handle the truth.  Maybe if kids knew about sex earlier, there would be fewer STDs and pregnancies, because kids would be scared shitless.  Furthermore, go ahead and tell them about your financial troubles – maybe then they’ll stop begging for money for video games and McDonalds.  Speaking of McDonald’s, show them the fat and calorie count of that Happy Meal so they have a healthy fear of obesity.  And when that elementary school band concert is over, tell little Johnny that you’ve never heard such bloody awful noise coming from a group of small children.

The list could go on forever, and please feel free to suggest other ways that people could and should be honest in life.  But the gist is this:  you can lie to other people, but in the back of your mind, you know the truth.  Why not take a vow to be the same person to the world as you are in your head?  Yes, some people will dislike you and/or think you are a heartless ass, but you probably didn’t like those people in the first place. 

Tell the truth … pass it on.