Oh the many ways to get under other peoples’ skin. I’ve been told that I’m quite good at vexing other people with my words and actions, even when I’m quite unaware of doing so. In the spirit of looking at the bright side of things for a change, I’m going to look at my ability to piss other people off as a talent which can be honed and used to better society. (Sort of like Mark Twain’s advice about lying: it requires lots of PRACTICE!)
I suppose words are my primary weapon in making others angry, but it’s necessary to consider the fact that I enjoy arguing, not fighting. I don’t enjoy being angry; as a matter of fact, anger usually gets in my way when trying to be articulate. I’m as apt to tell someone to just fuck off when I’m genuinely angry, rather than try to present a coherent and persuasive argument. No, I would much rather just argue with people – debate them. I find that there are gray areas in just about every issue on earth, and I love to discuss those anomalies with other (intelligent) people. Notice how the most important part of the last sentence is in parentheses. If the people in a conversation aren’t smart and/or well-informed, the debate will turn into an argument, which will turn into a fight. That’s just the way it goes. Dumb people get flustered and then begin the ad hominem attacks. Yes, a good insult now and then is warranted (and sometimes just fun), but it sort of puts everyone on the defensive and sucks the fun out of the conversation.
If I am bored, I will argue just for the sake of arguing … because it’s putting fun in an otherwise mediocre day. I may be pro-legalization of marijuana, but if a student is rambling on about smoking pot and loving Bob Marley, I’m going to attack every single point being made and require them to defend themselves. Two things get accomplished in this scenario: 1) I’m then more amused, and 2) Little Johnny Potsmoker is learning how to present an argument without sounding like an ass. Win-win.
Of course, this semi-combative approach to communication pisses people off. No one wants to be told they’re wrong, even when they are. I get that, and I agree – to an extent. I am not predisposed to getting angry when someone argues with me. I have been known to listen to reason, IF an argument is based on fact or common sense rather than just tradition (“it has to be this way because it’s always been this way”) or manipulation (I’m gonna tell on you”). Give me a good reason to change my mind or reconsider something, and I will. I will not, however, be coerced.
Example of coercion: parent overhears me talking to another parent at a child’s baseball game. I tell the person I’m talking to (not the interloping, bitchy eavesdropper) that I love the classes that I teach because there is freedom in the curriculum and I can do what I want with the subject matter and that I love to make students think about things they’ve never been exposed to (blah, blah, blah … small talk). Bitchy eavesdropper calls the school the next day and tells the principal that I am bragging about “doing whatever I want in the classroom” and “manipulating other people’s kids.” (sigh) Really? I thought telling on people stopped somewhere around 6th grade. Apparently not. So for those of you thinking that those types of people will grow up and/or go away? They don’t. As a matter of fact, they’re everywhere. But just because some people are afraid their children might hear something they don’t approve of isn’t going to stop me from saying things out loud. Thus the pissing off of more people. My advice is to keep saying what you think; life is not a popularity contest. (Well, sort of, but whatever.)
I think my face pisses some people off too, which is really funny when you think about it. I have this … tendency, we’ll call it … to betray my thoughts with the expressions on my face. So if you are being a douchebag, my mouth might not open to express the words I’m thinking, but my face is probably telling you. This happens a lot at school, because sometimes I just can’t believe the things which come out of student’s mouths. I try to compose myself (I’m not a complete ass), but when Susie starts telling the story about her mom being a pole dancer, in front of the whole class, for the third time, in a situation that has NOTHING to do with dancing, stripping, or parenting, my face is going to start telling you to sit down and shut up. Same thing goes if the kid is talking politics and the only “sources” that come out of his or her mouth are “my parents” and/or “Glenn Beck.” I can hide the contempt for only so long before my face starts to tell you you’re an idiot. (And don’t worry, the same goes for treehugging liberal idiots who speak without valid facts.)
Here’s one I really don’t get: I’m fairly sure that it pisses other people off that I am sort of hermit-y (is that a word?). I am not a social butterfly. I am not an ass-kisser. I deeply dislike small talk. All of these things make me an outsider in most places. Just because I don’t go out of my way to talk to other people doesn’t mean I’m a misanthrope. I am not a bitch just because I don’t “chat” with people about nonsense.
It’s funny – I was at Mark’s Bistro the other day, and every time I go there, there’s at least one big table of “ladies who lunch together.” I am SO not one of those people. I COULD be, if the company were right – you know, like if the other people at the table were eccentric, intelligent, slightly mentally ill, oddballs like me. For example, I could see myself lunching with Fran Liebowitz or Kurt Vonnegut, but only because they have something to say about things that interest me. I could fucking care less about what kind of new carpet someone just put in their house. Hunter Thompson would never try to talk to me about something so inane; he’d be too busy getting loaded and waving his gun around in the restaurant. Now THAT’s my idea of a good lunch date. Not chatting about your handbag.
So I’ll continue to live by the “live-and-let-live” motto, and people will think what they want. If people don’t have anything else to fill their empty lives with besides being angry and judgmental, there’s nothing I can do about it.
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